Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Six. Six. Six.

Six. Six. Six. 
It's been six years since the devil himself
knocked on my door. 
Charming in his trickery,
Costumed to appear as you, or I, or them. 

Six.. Six. Six. 

It's been six years since the devil himself
led me to the hill. 
Fed me fruits and flowers, 
and then poisened my wine.  

Six.Six.Six.

It's been six years since the devil himself
carried me back to his hell. 
Enveloped me in the darkness of night.
Broke my wings,
and shunned me in the morning. 

Devil, angels don't like to be shunned. 
Feathers grow back and wings heal. 
Flames once smothered ignite in the wind, 
creating a luminous glow 
amongst the chimes of laughter that cannot be stifled. 

Tell me, devil. 
Did you truly believe you could silence the song of an angel?
Are you that naive to think that you would win?
You won the battle on the hill that night. 
But the angel won the war. 

Thursday, March 13, 2014

The Man Who Turned The Lights Off

"Somebody has turned the lights off again,” you said
A man
And you described him with such solace in your voice
As if his arrival had taken the weight off of your shoulders
If only for a moment
"Somebody has turned the lights off again,” you said

"I can see him,” you said
A man
And as you told me of his hat,
Tipped so low over his eyes that
His expression could never be read,
I cried
A steady stream of single tears
“I can see him,” you said. “Can you see him?” you asked

You swore he was your only friend
This man that turns the lights off and on again
When nobody’s home, he is
He is

And you slit your wrists in that imaginary way
As you so often loved to do
Memorizing the non existent flow of blood that seeped from your veins
Holding out your arms to welcome me in
To drown me in your sins
Or perhaps to wash away my own
You were always kind like that

Recognition dawned upon my face
The realization of your lack of awareness of time and space
And I saw him then too
The man
The man who turned the lights off and on again
With his hat tipped so low over his eyes
His expression could never be read

But I did not need to see his eyes to recognize the face of the dead










Monday, March 4, 2013

Red

I had that dream again
Where the ceiling falls and everything is red
And every time you're there
With the depths of oceans coming from your pointed stare

And oh, you still pull me under
Oh, just like when we were younger
Oh, when my body hits the sea
Don't forget to look for me 

You woke up screaming again
Can't seem to stop the ghosts from getting in your head
You wield your words like knives 
to show the world it hasn't won tonight

The Flowers fell from our halos
leaving only thorns And stems
the petals swept into our closets
We decorate our skeletons
 The cuts you made to my body
the wounds you stitch and sew
 I'm tearing at the seams blindly to try to get to your bones

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Untitled

The problem with having no memory
is that it fills itself in as it pleases
With falsities
With four, four, four going on five
With polaroids that have yet to be determined

Rise Up.

What rises?

The sun. On another day of four, four, four, going on five.

Vomit. Real nausea that accompanies fake memories.

Heart rate.

Temper.

Heat.

Questions.

Words. Piles and Piles of letters and sounds.

Silence.

If I assume no one is reading this it must be true.

But I can still always just say that I'm talking to you.


Saturday, June 25, 2011

Directions, please.

Write. Right?
I need to write. To make things right.
Instead of focusing on the things I have left behind.
I'm trying to find my voice.
It seems I may have topped myself
when things hit the bottom.
Now nothing I write sounds right.
And I'm just rearranging pieces of what I have left.
But it's alright to not know what to write, right?
I think I need directions, please.
I hate to admit it, but I seem lost.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

So Sorry

Read me like a diary
Truths and treacheries
No ones meant to see
When the pages
all went up in flames
Did you feel it?
Feel me in your veins?

Ashes always turn to dust
I'm a mystery
With a lack of trust
And Ive learned now
that I can survive
Or maybe
I'm just telling myself lies

And I'm sorry, sorry, so
So what's new
But it always comes back to you

These new shoes
don't erase the path
that i walked before
or its aftermath

The seasons changed
but without much grace
they left coffee stains
and a slap in the face

And I'm sorry, sorry, so
So what's new
But it always comes back to you
And I'm sorry, sorry, so
So what's new
But it always, always comes back to you...

Monday, February 8, 2010

I haven't written in some time
I think my mind has forgotten 
how to unwind...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Untitled

I miss the music more than anything
Sure, I miss the rest
But the music... 
it was the heartstring connecting both our chests
I'll admit the fault
But it's always tricky with regret
I have grown, and I have changed
I am learning what it means to love myself again
It was a trade I did not bargain for
I instead took it full price
Knowing it would leave me broke
Having to scrimp and save to make things right
I learned a lot about saving
Saving grace, saving face,
saving the remains of my spirit...
what was broken I saved to replace 
But the music is one thing I did not save
Notes and rhythms scattered
When I try to piece them back together,
I'm missing part of the vision that made them matter
I guess I need to write a new composition
that'll piece itself together and create a better vision

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Needle and The Thread

Scared of leaving

Scarred from all the good bye cuts

Documented on paper, slicing quiet and thin

One after the next didn't love you enough

So you're scared of leaving

Not you, you think I'm the next to go

My song, honesty mixed with sweat and blood

Like I'll send you the lyrics, but I'll leave before the show

But No! 

This is not the way this goes.

I am not them, and you are not me, and you can not see.

I too have enough scars in my past

I won't waste my time to draw another line, create another cut that will last.

I was given a needle, so I scratched, and I slit, and I severed.

But you came along. And you're the thread that pieced me back together. 

My needle had a greater purpose. 

You sang your song of honesty, and made my life worth it. 

Thursday, July 16, 2009

untitled

I keep checking in
on the things I've checked out of my life
Perhaps a need to do better
Than the things I've left behind
What a wreck
If the things I thought I'd passed
Suddenly passed me
Then what would I be?
Besides a hope filled failure
who's dreams will never be reality.
But yours are I see. 
Lucky.

And I have all these goals
Too much, too many to achieve
Things above my level of intellectual capacity
But I think if I try I can be anything?
As long as I'm not wasting my life
And the things I'm trying for 
end up the things I can do right
I can't handle any more failure
even if the hand wasn't meant to be mine.
It's the hand I got dealt. 
But your hand wasn't much better. 
How come your life stayed together?
My streak can't last forever. 

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Lines and Times

The things I never told you
Fairytale visions I couldn't live up to
But I thought if I wait, it'll all come true

Now I'm a broken mess
With lines and times I keep trying to undress
But if I'm new, I'll forget the rest

I'm puking visions of my past
Dry heaving memories that are only shadows cast
Too sick to realize what did and did not last

And I can't sleep at night
The medication helps, but the feeling isn't right
If I don't, I have nightmares I'm too paranoid to fight

Now everybody knows my cause
I thought that if I told them I'd eliminate some flaws
Turns out all I did was shine a light on things I saw

Or didn't see
Either way, the vision sticks with me
And I miss who I used to be
But the fairytale is no longer my reality

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

untitled

Sometimes I think I cant write a happy song

I keep all my focus on everything that’s going wrong

But don’t think that means I don’t love you dear

I’ve got nothing to complain about, so I just don’t write it here

 

We spend our time racing kites against the skies

We run around in circles, laugh until it makes us cry, and

You turn the gears of this well-oiled machine

And I sing my pretty songs and play these brand new strings

 

There’ll be times when you keep me up at night

Wondering what comes of this, and if we’ll turn out alright

But then you pull me under, with the sheets over our heads

And you kiss me like you know we’re right, like we should never leave this bed

 

We spend our time racing kites against the skies

We run around in circles, laugh until it makes us cry, and

You turn the gears of this well-oiled machine

And I sing my pretty songs and play these brand new strings

 

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Steel Strings

The nostalgia is too much
How when it comes, it comes, and hits me with a rush
I try to save the dreams you've crushed
and you give me every reason to call your bluff

So I'll wrap myself in something warm
To calm this chill, and arm my alarm
Next time I'll be prepared for when you show
Instead of crying like a child who can't be left alone

And I'll let your poetry flow through my veins
before packing it in storage where it forever will remain

I still feel passion, but I still have my pride
and here is where my broken feelings reside
Every note tapped on steel strings of that guitar
are a reminder in the end, that I haven't come that far

So please get out of my head
If just for the same reasons I got out of your bed
I don't have room enough to share
with all the other lovers vying for your stare

Why do we cling to the things that tear us down?
Like our pain's a sense of comfort we just can't live without

I still feel passion, but I still have my pride
and here is where my broken feelings reside
Every note tapped on steel strings of that guitar
are a reminder in the end, that I haven't come that far

Saturday, April 11, 2009

face

sometimes, i think if I can make everyone else more aware,
then one day, I just won't care,
and all of these memories will be replaced
with more important reasons to stay in this race
then the ones I have now.
Because while it's gotten better, 
it's still not who I am somehow.
And the fact that he's never seen my face
before I cried
makes me feel pathetic, 
because he'll only see how hard I've tried
to keep the face
the one that I had to put on in the old one's place
the one that's just a waste. 
I wish he could see me in my old space. with my old face.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

trash

the thought of you 
made my stomach turn today
not like "im so sick"
but more like "what did i throw away"
and i'm digging through my mental trash..
knowing there's a reason this shouldn't be rehashed...
hoping its the season change thats bringing back my past....

and sure enough
on the bottom of the pile...
a years worth of denial

i guess thats the thing about trash.
if you never empty it, it just keeps coming back


Monday, February 2, 2009

Cacophony of Sound

How would it feel if I took your words
right out of your damn mouth
Threw them up and juggled them
then tossed them to the ground

I'll paint a pretty picture 
with the remnants on the tile
And wrap it as a thank you gift
for all of your denial

You. You cause a cacophony of sound
That plays over in my head, refusing to turn down. 
You. You pluck at strings rusting at the root
Causing rotten melodies that I cannot refute. 

I'll play out pictures with my words
Ignite movies in my head
They glide upon my white walls 
like a ghost among the dead

I'll slice the slides you put inside
and rearrange all that remains
I'll cut and paste your pretty face
the way it reigns inside my brain

You. You cause a cacophony of sound. 
That plays over in my head refusing to turn down
You. You pluck at strings rusting at the root.
Causing rotten melodies that I cannot refute. 

You. You cause a cacophony of sound.
Drowning out my judgement until I must lie down. 
You. You strip me of the thoughts inside my mind. 
Leaving vacant spaces where there's nothing left to find. 


 

Monday, December 29, 2008

Spoken Word

What do you do when you're dead but still alive?
When you want to show strewn handprints down your chest
and through your thighs
So you lift your shirt
But there's nothing there to prove what he did or how it hurt

It's like invisible ink
Shine the light but be careful not to blink
Or you'll miss it
But I'll never miss it
Everything is reminiscent

It's like a picture with a flash
It blinds my eyes but the memory is still intact

But he says the memory isn't real

He says...
It wasn't me and I didn't do it
If she doesn't remember she'll never prove it
She'll just lose it

Her faith
Her dignity
Her self esteem
Her fire

The things that lit her up, made her laugh, and made her smile

Is this some sort of test?
Of my strength? Of my courage?
Cuz I'll never be brought down
And I'll never be discouraged

Let me take a moment to tell you how it is
You'll never break my spirit
My determination lives

And I'll take this as an opportunity
From whatever is up above
To prove to myself that I can still love

And I'll wear your hand prints as tattoos 
Not because I have something to prove
But because I have something to give...

Alive or dead?

I'll choose to live.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

The End of a Trilogy

So the leaves changed from green to red
Burnt with fire and left for dead
Screaming symphonies, creating a stir
Motionless chaos we view as a blur

With the change came a sudden downpour
Filling city streets, battling for power
The destruction they left has created a void
Your heart grows dimmer, and the trees are overjoyed

Why must the seasons battle our love
Rip us apart as they laugh from above
Who will have the last say in this war?
Distance over love will win nevermore

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Memories of Twilight

And so the seasons changed without us
Our laughter changed to pain
They stripped us of our strength
And left an ache we cannot tame

It was I who asked the question
Filled with uncertainty and fear
Distance failed to make the heart grow fonder
It only placed upon it more wear 

Instead of coffee stains, it's blood
Instead of smoke filled rooms, it's liquor
I sweat, but chills will follow
The air seems to get thicker

Balance remains unseen
Once the scales have been tilted
The hidden risks arise
To be left, To be jilted

Am I still the angel and the siren alike?
Does my echo keep you up, can you not sleep at night?
Do you play my lullabies, and picture me there?
Say yes, before the seasons turn a new and hopeless year





Saturday, September 20, 2008

Untitled

I have a poor excuse
I trust too easy
And it's left me broken

I had to. These are your words
You had to hurt me
Before I hurt you
And now I'm left with hand prints
No one can see them
But you. And I. 

Amazing how you place the blame
Make assumptions
Over a girl you'll never know

You have done nothing but redeem my faith
That not everyone can love
Not everyone deserves to be loved
The world is full of ugly people

If you don't mind
I'd prefer to be alone